Paris Plage – Paris Beach


In August many Parisians abandon Paris for the beaches of Nice and Normandy ostensibly because of the summer heat. To the average Parisian 75F is hot; 80F is unbearable; water boils at 85F don’t you know? However, I think they are really attacking Nice and Normandy to create the traffic jams and congestion they sorely miss from home. What the Parisians don’t know is that to a Texan Paris in August is springtime. In my opinion it is a good time to visit Paris because, well for one thing, there are significantly fewer Parisians.  Primarily a pedestrian I also have a better chance of surviving the remaining Parisian drivers who amuse themselves by utilizing the less congested lanes to run down tourists.  Extra points for fat americans in shorts. Straw hats: 1,000 bonus. Shoes betray us. Our Chinese walking shoes with cushioned soles are obviously more comfortable than faux alligator Italian loafers with thin leather soles. Presumably they figure, as a result, we can move faster therefore the playing field is level. In its own inimical wisdom, the Parisian city government decides to entice people to stay by giving them what they crave when they abandon Paris for Nice and Normandy – beaches.

What you didn’t know that Paris has a beach? Your fourth grade geography class taught you that Paris is 240 km (150 miles) from the nearest ocean, the Atlantic, so it can have no beaches. Obviously you have forgotten the French penchant to forgo what is practical and frugal for the romantic? The Second Empire? Remember Mitterrand spent ten billion euros (14 billion dollars) in the 1990’s to make Paris beautiful! Too late. Your teacher did not lie to you, Paris has no beaches. However, that doesn’t stop the city government from creating added traffic jams by importing thousands of truckloads of sand every August to dump on the Quai expressway that runs along the Seine blocking 100% of vehicle traffic. Voila! Traffic jams again. Home. C’est un miracle!

To punish prodigal people, they pick up every grain in September.

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6 Comments

  1. Barbara August 16, 2012 at 12:09 pm #

    Wish I wer there. Sigh.

  2. Jim Griffin August 16, 2012 at 12:30 pm #

    In-seine-ly jealous!

  3. mbb203@gmail.com August 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm #

    The French dip their raw oysters in vinegar! Joan Jackson & I went and bought horseradish. Showed up the next night and ordered ketchup w/ our oysters. The waiter wouldn’t even try one dipped in our table-made red sauce. The ‘crazy’ Americans were happy, though!

  4. Suzanne Labry August 16, 2012 at 3:22 pm #

    LOVE IT!

  5. Sharon August 16, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    Your writing is so entertaining. (in my heart I’m adding an exclamation point) thatI’m envious. Look forward to other installments. Wish I was…oh, well…

  6. Monica August 17, 2012 at 11:17 am #

    thanks for taking me to a place I wanna visit someday. have fun my friend:)

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